Photographs

Sometimes, when I get bored, I like to type in a search term in Flickr and then see how many pictures I have tagged with that term.  I've been pretty good about keeping my metadata up-to-date with my photos, but of course, there have been times when I just couldn't be bothered.  Still, I've been using Flickr for quite a few years now, and have uploaded close to 14,000 pictures, so I usually get quite a few hits that surprise me and make me smile.

Today, as I watch all of our awesome snow turn into mush, the shoveled areas of the yard turning to muddy ponds, I decided to put in the simple word, "ski".

Yep, it worked.  Put a smile on my face :)  Click the caption below to see the gallery on Flickr.

Shimokura Ski Area - Iwate, Japan.  Bringing a little Aloha to to Spring slopes

Well, I must start getting myself cleaned up for my trip to the doc in an hour.  Gotta drop off two gallons of chilled urine.  That's not something you get to type every day…….

I hope everyone is well.  Cheers!

It May Surprise Some: Why I use Medicinal Cannabis

I wanted to make a post as to why I do use medicinal cannabis instead of regular, western prescribed medicine to treat some of my conditions from Lyme Disease.  The whole story is a really long one, so I'll try to keep it brief for now, but will definitely be expanding on this.  I also want to share what I find works for me, healthy ways to ingest cannabis, etc...
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the short of it:  narcotics nearly killed me, along with blood pressure and cholesterol meds.  OTC pain remedies nearly destroyed my liver
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On my really bad days, I experience more physical pain in that day than most people will experience in their entire lifetimes.  I'm not going to list what I suffer from right now, but it is an extensive list.  A list that may even make Santa jealous.  This pain I suffer from has mostly been caused by 30 years of  undiagnosed Lyme Disease, spurred on by probably hundreds of injuries over the years.

It's a self-feeding loop where any injury is seen as advantageous by the Lyme bacteria.  The injury is a place to live and breed and bore through the inflamed tissue.  Here's the bitch of it - Some of the Lyme gets to the injury via white blood cells, the same little cells that are headed towards the injury to try to fix it.  Lyme's a sneaky little bastard, it is.  This process also makes the occurrence of injuries much more prevalent.

I once had my right ankle x-rayed, after yet another sprain, and the doc asked, "how many times you broken this thing?"  "None", was my answer.  I just thought I'd sprained each of my ankles very severely like 20 times.  Nobody ever bothered to x-ray any of them until much later.

Anyway, if you've ever lived in Europe and have been treated by Euro docs, you know that they do not give out narcotics like candy as they do in the US.  In fact, they frown upon the use, only using narcotics for the terminally ill and life-long chronic pain patients.

I was deemed bad enough by a few docs to be one of these life-long chronic patients and was handed a 'script for enough pills to easily make 20k selling them on the streets in Nuremberg.   These ended up being the pills that I used to make the flight back to the US when we finally moved last January.  The pills were morphine and something else, a combo not used in the US.  They were strong as hell, but needed, as I had to make that flight to get somewhere new and hopefully figure out what in the hell was going on with me.  The German docs had signed off on me for life, so…..

Once in Anchorage, I visited a doctor at one of the local pain clinics.  When I left Alaska 7 years earlier, these pain clinics didn't even exist.  Now they were on every freaking corner, it seemed.  I knew right away that this place had no interest in really helping me.  The guy just threw me a big 'script for Oxycodone and some muscle relaxants and said check back in a few weeks.   Again, they just wanted me to live masking the pain instead of trying to figure out what was actually wrong.  No money in fixing me, I guess…..

I ended up in the ER one night last February with severely impacted bowels.  So bad, I could have died that night.  All from the narcotics.  I had complained twice to my doctor about this, being completely ignored both times.  I have eaten strict Paleo for nearly four years.  I only drink water.  A lot of water.  And I was taking and eating tons of Fiber.  And I still got that constipated.  It's what long-term narcotic use can do to you.

I wish I would have started using medicinal cannabis years earlier, damn the laws.  It works so much better than any pharmaceutical pain med for so many different conditions.   It is not a panacea, and I hate the stereotypes involved, but dammit, it works.  We moved back to Alaska from Europe just so I could legally get a card to see how it would work for me.

Best thing I've done so far.

One of these days, I'd like to address some of the stereotypes that are still be thrown about regarding marijuana and the people who use it.  Lazy people are lazy people, regardless of what it is they chose to fill that lazy time with.

Junk food.  Beer.  Video Games.  TV.  Pot.  Whatever.

I'm tired of hiding the fact that I use something incredibly healthy, that really works for my situation, and has improved my condition enough that I'm up typing this right now.  I still see so many negative connotations involved with cannabis use, most of them simply not true or just pure and blatant propaganda.

You know, yes, I guess it does bug me if someone looks down on me because of how I choose to treat my disease.   They are not me, and I don't expect to have any decision in their life's choices either.  So far in my lifetime, I've quit drinking alcohol, quit chewing tobacco, and quit eating processed American shit food completely cold turkey.  I also don't watch any cable TV and don't play video games.  I just find it ironic when someone, usually someone who is addicted to everything I've listed above, looks straight at me and tells me I'm being unhealthy.

I would be happy to answer and questions anyone may have.

Memories of an Old Friend

I was about 15 when my physical pain started becoming an every waking hour occurrence.  At the time, the pain was quite migratory, usually moving around to areas that I had previously injured.  Say, a sprained ankle or a jammed finger, or a twisted knee.  I remember my high school trainer getting so frustrated at times, him never seemingly able to help, me in his office every single day with new and old complaints.  It became a routine before and after all games and practices;  ice, tape, go play / cut the tape off, ice and heat, ice and heat.

I think Kevin and I spent two full years playing this game.  Since I played sports year-round, there weren't many days where we didn't see each other.  Man, I remember complaining constantly about lifting weights and how sore it would make me, how I never seemed to recover like everyone else, but how I was forced to lift regardless of my pleas.  During my senior year, Kevin actually played a part in getting those requirement lifted for me during basketball season.  I don't think I ever told him how thankful I was for that.

After graduating and leaving Roseburg in the rearview mirror, I never really looked back.  I regret that to this day.  As I get older, memories and scenes from my past play out while I'm lying in bed.  When these incidents occurred in real life, I paid them little heed.  I was always looking ahead, wondering what was around the next corner, chasing that next adventure

But now, as I see these scenes from my life replay in my mind's eye, their significance become apparent.   It's hard to describe, but one such scene played out recently after I learned just how sick my old high school trainer, Kevin, had become.  I kind of look at it as a recalled memory while in a deep meditative state, something I do often since I spend so much time in bed.  Anyway, this was the incident I relived;

My mystery injuries were occurring with such frequency, causing Kevin to became concerned enough that he took time out of his day to take me to the hospital for ultrasound treatments.  Although the sessions didn't end up helping me much, the time spent with Kevin most definitely did.  It was just so nice being around someone who didn't think I was crazy or a simple hypochondriac.   I could just tell - he believed what I was telling him, and I knew he wanted to help.  He was just that kind of guy.
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I ran into Kevin at Cavitt Creek one summer while up there cooling off with some friends.  This must have been only a year or two out of high school, because I still wasn't 21 years old.  But, hey, it was hot, it was summer, and we wanted some beer.  And Kevin and his friend had a cooler full.

Of course, we asked, perhaps even pleaded, but our requests were responsibly turned down by these stand up adults.  Only one thing to do - trick them!

If you are familiar with Cavitt Creek, then this will make sense:  We were sitting up at a picnic table next to the "jumping spot" where the sign is that says "No Jumping".

So, after being denied beer, and with the temperature approaching Pam Anderson melting ferocity, we decided to do a jump into the water below.  My idea was to use the table as a launching point to jump over the fence, actually something that I'd done many times before.  So, I do this, and my next friend does it, and then the next.  By the time friend three is in the water, I'm just about to the shore, ready to climb out of the water.

But I pause.  I turn around start heckling Kevin and his friend.  Telling them how good the water feels.  Telling Kevin how sexy he'll look with his shirt off.   Eventually, they've had enough, it's hot as hell, but they say they won't jump from the table, just the rocks.

"Fine by me", I say. (In my head - this will buy us more time…..)

I wait for Kevin's friend to jump.  Then Kevin.  Then I ran up the stairs and stole a beer for myself and each friend.

Thanks, Kev.  Best Beer Ever
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I truly believe that each and every one of us gives off our own energy signature.  When we interact with others, we can absorb both their negative and positive vibrations.  Although it's been over 20 years since I last interacted with Kevin, that energy I gleaned from him has stuck with me to this day.  It always will.  And I KNOW it will for so many other people that he has cared for and helped.

I don't really know how to end this, so I'm just going to say

Thank You

My After School Special: Timmy Battles Lyme

I believe the new regiment of antibiotics I'm on is making me a tad nuts.  Or, it could simply be the prolonged insomnia I've been experiencing for, oh, a few years.  My guess is that both of these play a factor into what's going on in my noggin'.  Well, that and the fact that there are little bugs boring holes through all kinds of tissue up in there.

The bitch of the whole situation is that I'm absolutely, dead exhausted nearly every moment I'm awake, but I can't sleep because my brain won't shut the hell up.  I probably come across as a zombie tripping on way too much meth, bolstered by gallons of toxic energy drinks, when I talk to people out in the normal world.

I've been dealing with this insomnia issue and an active brain for many years, and not much has ever helped quiet it down.  However, last year, I took up meditation, something I kick myself for not doing earlier, and it does help with closing the lid on the machine gun flow of thoughts for the most part.

On these certain antibiotics that I have recently started, though, it's now worse than ever, making meditation virtually impossible.  I think trying to meditate makes me even more nuts right now - you wouldn't believe some of the crap that floats through my grey matter, and it drives you nuts when all you want to do is sleep!

Writing chapters of books or articles or songs or poetry has always been something that seems to happen naturally in my head as I drift off to sleep.  Usually, I don't remember much of the story when all is said and done, but every once in awhile, one sticks.  Last night, I wrote a script for an After School Special dealing with Lyme (in my head), and it turned out quite demented.  I'd love to write the whole thing out, but simply do not have the energy, so here is a semi brief synopsis:

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Setting:  A non-specific scenic town in a mountainous location.  A normal neighborhood sits on a forested hillside above downtown, a single track runs through a meadow leading up towards the mountains.  The trail eventually leads to some ridges and a peak that is often skied in the winter.  The whole thing, clothes and all, had an early 80's feel in my mind.  

Story:  Timmy likes the outdoors, spending a lot of time outside playing.  He likes to hike and play with his dog, Dumkopf, on the trails behind his house.  Timmy's best friend is Billy, an adventurous little guy with a chip on his shoulder due to his slight stature.  As the boys get older,  they push their adventures further and further into the hills, trying to one up each other, as teen boys are oft to do.  The relationship is one of mutual respect and admiration, each boy pushing the other to become better as they grow up.

In his early teens, Timmy finds a red rash on the back of his leg.  Being a teenager, he ignores the rash and goes on with life.  It's summer - he's busy.  About two weeks later, Timmy has to cancel plans with Billy because he is just not feeling well.  Billy calls Timmy a "big wimp" and heads off with others to go camping for the weekend in the woods above town.  It's all good - they razz each other often.

Because he is a persistent little shit, Timmy still goes out and tries to do everything he loves.  He battles through the pain, doing whatever he can to ignore it.  Many times, however, he is just in too poor of shape to keep plans, eventually alienating himself from his friends.

On the days when he does participate, he's in a really pissy mood, you know, because his whole body is basically on fire and he's doing his best to hide it.  What sucks is that he looks really healthy, strong, and in good shape.  He's  good at what he does when he can do it, so, "what's this dude's problem?"

This continues to occur, Timmy battling bouts of malaise and joint pain,  often feeling like he has the flu, doctors unable to find anything wrong with him.  He's called a hypochondriac and a pussy by coaches and doctors and teammates and friends, nobody seeming to get what's really going on.  As time goes on, it's obvious that these comments are no longer said jokingly.
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This is where it got weird.  The scene cuts from Timmy, basically being all sad and pouty in his room after waking up at 4am again, feeling like shit as usual, and he looks outside and sees it has snowed two feet of fresh, light, beautiful powder.

"Screw it", he thinks.  He grabs his old powder skis and his gear bag, which is still partially packed from his last trip skiing two years earlier.  It's his senior year of high school.  He misses so much school already that nobody will miss him if he's up at the mountain.

Because of his social inconsistency, Timmy had taken to going on most of his adventures alone.   End result:  Timmy dies in an avalanche while backcountry skiing alone.  An autopsy reveals he was suffering from Chronic Neurologic Lyme Disease.

Early that summer, only months after the accident occurred, a memorial is held at the now snowless base of the peak where Timmy died.  The turnout is large.   Billy and his other outdoor bro brahs are like, all sad and shit, each of them scattering a bit of Timmy's ashes.

The view switches to a shot from behind showing Billy getting ready to dump some of Timmy's ashes. The camera begins to slowly pan, eventually zooming to a tick that is slowly working it's way into the back of Billy's right calf……….
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There was also a running subtext regarding climate change and infectious ticks moving to the far north.  I'm pretty sure this all started in California (like all After School Specials I remember) and then moved north to Alaska at some point.  Hence the ominous ending with the tick…..   All kinds of weird themes kept slipping in.  There was even a happy ending that briefly flashed on my mental screen, but it wasn't After School Special fake drama-y enough for my liking.

Then, as I started to drift off, as always, the burning fibro pain started and the intense, acute pain in my low back fired up.  Every friggin' time.

I've been writing this bit by bit since 3am, so it may be a bit disjointed.  Funny - writing isn't too tough right now, but reading is really hard.  I can spit out words, but can't comprehend them well when I re-read.  Ughhh…….

Note - of course, bits and pieces of the above come from my life.  I just want to make clear that "Timmy" is a little bit me and a lot of made up, while "Billy" is a conglomeration of many, many people I've met throughout my life along with being partially fictitious.  I kept picturing him as that little dude from Hunger Games for some reason……

If you made it through this… sorry, and thanks for reading.  

I Wish I Remembered Being This Happy

This morning I woke up with a nagging feeling that there was something I really needed to do.  Usually, getting up to grab a banana or to maybe make some coffee is the most pressing concern I face early in the morning.  This morning, something was different, though.  Then it hit me - I had a dream that reminded me I needed to look through the package my Aunt had sent my family and I for Christmas.  With my Lyme brain, and with how shitty I was feeling over the Holidays this year, I'd totally forgotten about the package.

The package was filled with old pictures and two DVD videos filled with old family footage.  It's a treasure to have.  I still haven't watched all of the video, but did find a few clips of me with the family, out having fun in the outdoors.  I was smiling, I was happy, I was interacting with others, I looked like I was awake and had energy.  Honestly, I don't remember ever being this way.  I'm glad I now have these videos to prove that I was at least somewhat of normal kid at one point in my life…….

Thanks for the videos, Aunt Pam.  I love them.

It will take some time to chop everything up into clips, and I will do this when I feel up to it.  For now, here are a couple of quick ones I pulled from the second, shorter video.

I believe this is at Bogus Basin near Boise, Idaho.  1977 or 1978, Age 4(ish)

Winchester Bay and the North Umpqua River Valley, Oregon  1981?  Age 6 or 7

And Like a Coronal Mass Ejection

my energy came on with a rapid and strong burst a few days ago, and has now vanished as fast as it arrived.  I've had a few good days - for me.  No migraines, body pain has been manageable, I was able to get a few things done that I'd been meaning to do for some time (like start this blog), and was even getting more sleep than normal.

However, I knew eventually that Mr. Herxheimer would be back, visiting with a big bag full of malicious intent and a back pocket overflowing with delicious deliriousness.  Holy hell, I feel like shit after starting these new antibiotics.  It took a few days, but….. Heeeere's Johnny!

I lie down and my body buzzes like the field on those old Electric Football games, my thoughts ambling to and fro, here and there, mimicking the uncoordinated movements of the players on both teams.   Even though I'm lying down, I feel like I'm wearing a suit stolen from the closet of an x-ray technician who has a fetish for lead apparel -  just lifting an arm to get a drink of water has become a monumental task.  I mean, the bottle, it's right there, three feet away.  Nope, not thirsty enough yet.

We'll see how long this round of living in Lyme, AK lasts.  I can already tell the neuro symptoms are going to be hell.  I feel like Droopy Dog on the entire left side of my body.  In fact, I need to wrap this up as this is getting really tough.  I'll probably be ending a lot of posts with those words in the coming months….

PS - usually, with this many pop culture references, I'd include funny pictures.  I'm just too tired right now to go find them.  I loved Electric Football :)

The First Four Months

21 October 2013 - Prescribed Doxycycline, 200mg per day, as guided by the CDC.  It made me so sick that I couldn't get out of bed for a week.  Horrible Herx, and not enough of the drug to really work.  The CDC guidelines are worthless for someone in my condition, but you still have to jump through the hoops….

01 November 2013 - My body was in such a bad state that my LLMD switched me to a homeopathic protocol using the Deseret Biologicals line of Lyme/Babesia treatment.  I did two full boxes of the vials (two months worth) and noticed no herxing or effect from this product.   We did use this time to strengthen my body and system, however.  (supplements, testosterone injections, DHEA, detox, etc…)

03 January 2014 - Started Amoxicillin - 500 MG caps - 4 caps / 3 times day.  Will be on for one full month

06 January 2014 - Started Tinidazole (Tindamax) - 500 MG tabs - 3 tabs / twice day.  On for two weeks, off for two, on for two.

11 Jan 2014 - First really bad Herx reactions to antibiotics.  Initial reactions were dizziness, disorientation, light vertigo, forgetfulness, and the feeling of being slightly inebriated.  These were tolerable, considering everything else.  However, the body shaking, tremors, derealization, major vertigo, extreme exhaustion, immense muscle and joint pain, etc, etc, started on this day at around 1300 hours. 

I am able to obtain small amounts of Rick Simpson Oil (or close to it) and it does wonders for healing the damage the Antibiotics do to my stomach.   I get the oil by scraping the wand on my Silver Surfer Vaporizer, which yields about a gram ever few days.  Not nearly enough for my needs, but I'll take what I can get right now. 

I am also taking a ton of supplements that I will list out when I receive the paperwork from my clinic.  We will also be discussing what ABX we might use next.  My herxing from this current combonation isn't horrible, but I don't like the drunky, wobbly, constant dizzy feeling.  I'm also very forgetful on this stuff, but do gain focus.  Weird.  I also get very, very tired, very, very fast….. and must end this here for now (11 Jan '14 0616).