Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A Comedy of Errors

I have absolutely no creative juices flowing through me right now.  None.   These pills they have me on, they not only kill the bugs that have invaded my body, but they also do a great job at killing motivation and…… apparently language skills.  I have ten words at the tip of my tongue (finger tips?), but can't get them out.

This last month has been a rough one.  Most of it is a vague, dark, dusty memory, and that's fine with me.  As the month wore on, I eventually was able to pull myself out of bed to go out and enjoy the February spring weather we are having here in South-Central Alaska.  I was so tired of being stuck inside, damn the warning about sun exposure and antibiotics.   Besides, the sun's angle of incidence at this time of year this far north really means that even with a bright, sunny sky, the UV exposure…… oh, nevermind...

With a fresh cup of coffee and a happy dog at my feet, I headed outside to soak up a little sun at our backyard picnic table.  After a few minutes, I started noticing things around the yard that needed to be done.  These were simple things, like picking up dog poo, trimming a few wayward and broken branches from the winter wind storms we'd had earlier in the season, shoring up a piece of fencing here and there, etc…  

I didn't want to push things, so I decided to do a bit of simple branch trimming with our adjustable pruners that we'd picked up the previous fall.  At the time, the adjustable handles seemed like a great idea, as we hoped it would mean a lot less bending for me.  Then I tried to use them.

Beware of Pruners with adjustable handles!  They be from the devil himself!


I spent about twenty frustrating minutes clearing out an area overgrown by spindly birch saplings.  This is where we plan on growing our own mushrooms this coming summer.  I almost quit about halfway through the job, though.  Those handles on that damn pruner would not stay locked no matter how hard I wrenched them into place.  They would slip and twist, and if held overhead, would collapse. 

I persevered, though, and mostly finished what I set out to do in that area of the yard.  I then headed inside, poured another cup of coffee, grabbed the key for the mailbox, and went out and sat back down for a few minutes.   Osu was in total relaxation mode, stretched out on a patch of rotten snow, taking in as much of that glorious sun as possible.  

The plan from here on out was to take the little trail through the woods at the front of the house to go get the mail.  I would take the pruners to trim a few wayward branches along the path.   As I left the backyard, I noticed that Osu was a bit hesitant to go down the trail with me.  He simply stopped and plopped down at the top, just watching me do my thing.  

I had almost finished cleaning up the trail, battling the pruner the entire time.  There were only a couple more branches left to cut and then move, and then I was done.  This was work that most 13 years olds could do, meaning these 'branches' were not all that large or difficult to handle.  No, the branches were fine, but when the left handle on the pruners gave away while cutting one of these insignificant branches, jamming the blunt end of the right handle directly into my elbow, I was not fine.  

Everyone has bumped their funny bone a time or two in their lives, I'm sure.  Usually, you just run around holding it, or flap it around like a broken wing, and the pain eventually fades away.  This time was different.  The pain kept building, eventually getting so bad that I ripped my shirt off, fell into a patch of snow, and tried to somewhat stop the pain with the cold.  It worked - after about 10 minutes.  Holy hell did this hurt.  

Half of my right hand, including the entire pinky, is still completely numb, as is the outside of the forearm.  The area around my elbow is so sensitive that I cannot put any pressure on it, including lying it on the ground when I'm on my back.  It's one of the true weaknesses of the human body.  A part of our design that might have been outsourced by our genes during the evolutionary process….  the damned ulnar nerve, or the (not so) "funny bone".  But, at least I can sort of type again (spellcheck is being used heavily today, as I'm fat-fingering everything).

Defeated, I shuffled inside, mumbling to myself something about the universe not wanting me to do anything except sit in a chair or lie on the floor for the rest of my life.  At the time, I was too focussed on my elbow to notice that something was wrong with Osu.

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Sitting in my chair, licking my wounds and feeling quite down, I heard a loud crash come from the hallway outside my door.  It sounded like Osu's tail hitting the wall, but this was far too loud for that.  I slowly got up, poked my head out of the door, and saw Osu lying down in the hallway in an odd manner.  He had a somewhat puzzled and scared look in his eyes, and upon seeing me, tried to get up, but couldn't.

My first thought was that Osu had suffered a stroke.  After observing him for a few minutes, It was obvious that something was horribly wrong.  I could see that one side of his body wasn't working and that he was experiencing severe dizziness and vertigo.  He couldn't walk, and when he tried, he'd take two steps in a circle and collapse.

I was scared.  With no car at home, our neighbors in the lower 48, and Osu getting worse and worse, I called my wife at work to tell her what happened.  Thankfully, she was quick enough on her feet to call a friend who lives nearby to see if she was available to help.  She was, and was at the house in about 15 minutes.  My wife eventually met us at the Veterinary Clinic 20 minutes later.  

As we waited for the ride to the Vet, my thoughts turned to how we were going to get Osu into the car.  He is not a dog that likes to be picked up, but that's exactly what had to happen to get him in the back of the car.  Of course, I stupidly did this all on my own instead of letting our friend, Melanie, help out.  

I was able to lift Osu up from the ground, cradling him in my arms.  And it hurt my back and legs and knees and arms and my newly injured elbow, of course.  After negotiating the small set of stairs into the garage, Osu got a bit wiggly, shifting his weight awkwardly in my arms.  I responded by trying to hurry things up, hastening my pace to the car.  

As I took my last step with my left leg, Osu shifted his weight once again.  I tried to gently lean over and set him down in the back of the car, and that's when it happened - a very loud audible pop, and the physical sensations in the back of my knee, directly above my calf muscle, of something coming undone.  Still, I held firm and managed not to drop the dog, but did so at the expense of my left knee.

We did manage to get Osu to the Veterinary Office and into see the Vet quickly.  It turned out that Osu had experienced a fairly common malady for older dogs - Vestibular Disease / Extreme Vertigo.  Although the symptoms look quite severe and are very disconcerting for the dog, the owner, and the Vet alike, it typically is not anything too serious.  The Vet said it may or may not happen again.  I love professional opinions like that……  Actually, the Vet was very good and did a great job.  I thank her for taking care of my first baby.

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So, here we are, over a week later.  I can't believe it's actually been over a week.  I just checked my calendar again to confirm that it really has been that long since all this happened.  Yep.  My grasp on the passage of time has really become bad lately.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I'm not sure how I feel about a lot of things.  I do know I don't like how these antibiotics make me feel.  Yes, I certainly do know that.

Osu is up to all of his old tricks again.  Being sick certainly did not dampen his appetite, and it does appear that his mobility is nearly back to normal.  Even the faintest sound of a piece of food hitting the carpet is enough to get him pouncing on whatever tasty morsel has fallen into his domain.  Now, for me to heal up so I can get him outside and moving more.  I really hope to be able to take him for, at the very least, short walks in the area soon.  We could both really use it!

I'm wiped.  I'm having a hard time believing it took over three and a half hours to write this.  Even writing something seemingly simple, like an off-the-cuff blog post, has become a monumental effort.  Hopefully, I will get a short respite from these antibiotics in two weeks.  I'll write more about this in the coming days, as there have been a few slight changes in my treatment protocol.

Time to listen to the Universe and just veg out.  Problem is, I'm not very good at this.  I wonder if there is an online class I can take to teach me how to relax…..  I'm kidding.  Kind of.  

(And, yes, I am keeping an eye on my injuries and will have the doc look at them next week.  I can wait.)

Adventures with Osu - Matanuska Glacier, Alaska



2 comments:

  1. wow what a week, but your writing made it seem i was right there with your adventure.. You two take care of each other. Have a better month!

    ReplyDelete